Anger Management- some useful quotes and reflections used in individual and group therapy at the MindCare Clinic

—– © Dr. Satya Prakash Choudhary

Anger- Quotes for Reflection

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

—- Buddha

An angry man is full of poison.

—- Confucius

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?

—- Kahlil Gibran

Everything that is in agreement with our personal desires seems true. Everything that is not puts us in a rage.

—– Andre Maurois

Anger begins with folly, and ends with repentance.

—- H. G. John

We are not moved by things, but by the views which we take of them.

—- Epictetus

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind.

—- Buddha

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it!

—- Marcus Aurelius

Reflections on Anger

If you have frequent anger episodes will people take your anger seriously enough after a while?

Hyperbolic, catastrophizing, blaming communications remind us of the little boy who continually cried “Wolf.” Eventually these communications lose meaning and lead to less responding from significant others.

We may lose the respect of significant others.

We may even lose respect in our own eyes.

Talking out anger gets rid of it. At least won’t it make you feel less angry?

No it won’t. Studies indicate that overt expression can focus or even increase anger . There is little benefit to a lifetime of anger even if it is expressed.

•  Isn’t aggression the instinctive catharsis for anger?

No. Aggression is an acquired cathartic habit, a learned reaction practiced by people who think they can get away with behaving that way .

• The human anger script is both innately programmed and learned. Facial expressions and responses to some triggers maybe universal, but we also learn what is supposed to be unacceptable and aversive, when it is appropriate to act with anger, when to shout and point our fingers, or what the likely interpersonal consequences will be in any given situation. …..

Reflect on your anger episode behaviors. Reflect on what is acceptable and what not.

• Is it beneficial to hold anger within oneself? At least it prevents interpersonal problems.

While anger control prevents immediate damage to interpersonal relations, in the longrun it is not advisable to control anger by holding it within oneself. When emphasis is placed on minimizing outward expression, there is likely to be rumination and long-term vigilance to make sure it is not expressed. Such efforts at control may also lead to passivity, brooding, and holding grudges, which prevent acceptance, forgiveness, and problem resolution. Such vigilance and grudge-holding sets the stage for future anger episodes, and possibly aggression. What is needed is anger management, not control.    

• Who has the remote control for your behavior, you or the other person who angers you?  

In fact, one of the goals of anger management is to become less responsive to the aversive verbalizations of others through knowledge development and behavioral practice.  

Reflect on the following:

• Assuming for a moment that my perception is true enough, am I better off with or without this behavior?
• Are negative events a normal part of life, a challenge to be solved? What is my ability to deal with discomfort and adversity? Can I tolerate the reality of life as a mixture of opposites- happiness and sadness, light and darkness, day and night, good and bad, pain and pleasure? Can I ACCEPT the day to day existential problems of living?
• Am I condemning this person’s complete existence based on one or few behavioral acts? Do I appreciate the positive aspects of this relationship?
• How much am I responsible for my own choices in life?

Even so, what do I DO NOW?